A Man's Testimony

We met at a wrong time.
It could have worked, but it is not our season.
To continue to love you or to leave you were my options - choosing either is a torture.
But what would have hurt less?
Must be a man's only question to have in mind. I am not that man.

You will cry in tears if I continue cherishing your wonderful smile as both of us will be in great pain but despite this, I am secretly hoping, even impossible, it would be tears of joy. Yet, it is indeed painful.

You will cry yourself into sleep if I leave you, but it would be the best. It will be more painful, but it is the best for me. I will allow you to long for me but not for too long, because you won't. Forgive me, then forgive yourself. I will allow you to seek for the one that matches your season- the kind of season you want. Look everywhere; even at the place you first saw me. It will be more painful but it is the best. You will have the time to experience the happy ending you deserve. You don't need to answer me no more with "I know" each time I tell you "I love you". Because you will learn how to say it back; how to value it too.

I always knew it is not our season, but still, I tried. Even it is clear that you never acted like my sun during summer. You acted cold during winter. You never fell for me like the leaves in autumn. Your love never bloomed in spring. But I still hoped you'll complete my season. Because despite multiple times you turned me down, you looked perfect for me.

I loved you just like how bees love nectars. I chose to continue loving you even it is hard; even there was no such option, I will still choose to love you. I will never leave you. Then why would you not compare me to others? Why would you think I ain't different? I covered your pain. I thought, I covered your pain. Unless you felt like the cover up.

You locked yourself in your past, so you were unable to welcome me in the present. You thought I was the same. You blinded yourself with you doubts and worries, so you forgot to trust yourself. You were influenced bystories that relate to yours, so you unchained yourself to fairy tales. But please know, all my hugs were true and my words were sincere. But it is not our season, because you don't want me to be your season. But I loved you with all my heart. And am still loving you.

To continue loving you or to leave you were my options. I should've not chosen l to begin with. Because choosing you was a torture. A beautiful torture I can bear with.