The Heart That Speaks

If my heart can only speak,
it must have ran out of words to speak.
Not because its vocabulary was narrow,
but because it's just tired of speaking.

But i would still love to hear its voice.
I want to hear how lovely it would sound when she tells me her joy over simple roses.
I want to hear her giggles when she pounds over little jokes.
I want to hear her gasps of excitement when her love comes near.

I'm not deaf, but all I can hear were her cries.
There are nights when I hear her sobbing. She was in real pain.
She would tell me to stop listening and pretend I didn't hear anything.
She doesn't want to be seen weak.
Sometimes, she would just stay quiet. And so I did not listen.

Until one time, she finally spoke - directly to me.
And I heard it loud and clear.
This time she wanted me to listen.
It was words that I can recognize.
It was words of farewell.
She told me to not stop her, nor follow her.
She wants to forget but she wants to be loved, and she wanted me to forget so she can be freed.
And in that very moment,
I remembered I was her.
Regardless of how painful it will be, I am going to you.
And I asked myself to stop. I did not listen.

I haven't heard my voice when I was happy when I received roses; when I am laughing at your jokes; when I am excited when you are near.
I never heard my own painful cries, my sobs, and even my silence.
I can only hear the beating.
But I did not listen.
Still I did not listen.

If my heart can only speak, it will never run out of words.
It will never get tired of speaking.
Actually, it was talking all this time.
And she is losing her voice.
But I choose to not hear,
I chose you.
I chose pain.
Now, I am broken.
Still, I did not listen.

- 2Pen